Friday, 6 May 2011

★★★ Another (15) Great Status Updates for Facebook ★★★

  1. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
  2. Where do I see myself in 5 years? I would hope in a hologram but it will probably still be in the mirror. Stupid scientists.
  3. I’m always careful to get something every day from the four basic food groups: canned, frozen, fast and takeout.
  4. Not feeling in touch with my emoticons.
  5. The key to knowing when to panic, is to start moments after someone says ‘OK, don’t panic’.
  6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  7. Bin Laden’s fate was SEAL’d! ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  8. I have high double standards.
  9. They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.
  10. Take my advice: I don’t use it anyway.
  11. I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won’t stop texting me.
  12. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  13. I have an athlete’s ability trapped in a dumpster’s body. (VIA our Tweeter:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  14. Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
“Feel Good” Status of the Day: Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

REVEALED! THE IDENTITY OF THE AGENT WHO TOOK DOWN BIN LADEN!

Osama Bin Laden Meme
Climbin in yo mansion, shootin yo leader up. (Source: imgur)
Funny Video to Post:
YouTube Preview Image Now that is what I call POLE Dancing!  Post that on your Facebook profile page and watch the comments / likes roll right in from all your FB Friends.
Want more funny status updates, hilarious pics, and epic videos?  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!

101 Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates

Funny Facebook statuses are a great way to brighten up your social networking profile page. If you are looking for Facebook Status then your search ends here, you have landed on the right page. This article is all about very funny Facebook status messages that have been written by real people. You will find here all Funny Facebook Status, just read the full collection of the funny facebook statuses.
101 Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates
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  • decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
  • One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
  • When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
  • sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
  • X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
  • X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
  • What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
  • slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
  • wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
  • X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
  • People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
  • Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
  • ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
  • Dear Santa, let me explain…
  • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
  • My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
  • If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
  • Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
  • Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
  • Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
  • ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
  • _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
  • if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
  • scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
  • ̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
  • Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
  • The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
  • Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
  • i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
  • Cut here —————–✄———————-
  • Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
  • People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
  • Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
  • Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
  • Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
  • Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
  • So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
  • X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
  • Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
  • You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
  • Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
  • I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
  • Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
  • I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
  • X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
  • Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
  • what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
  • I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
  • press the star below and watch it glow 101 Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates
  • ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
  • I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
  • Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
  • X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
  • Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
  • X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
  • X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
  • ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
  • Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
  • wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
  • Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
  • If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
  • eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
  • I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
  • a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
  • ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
  • All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
  • too cool for school.
  • trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
  • the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
  • –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
  • definitely not watching what not to wear.
  • forcing my dog to learn how to google.
  • kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
  • Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
  • X is Loading ████████████ 99%
  • Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  • U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
  • X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
  • Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
  • I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
  • In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
  • X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
  • never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
  • a day late and a dollar short.
  • Insert coin to view my status message.
  • If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
  • We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
  • happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
  • seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
  • remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
  • > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
  • 20/20 hearing!

Funny Status Updates

Funny Status Updates:
  • When I read a really stupid status I think “What an idiot. Why did I write that?” (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
  • If you stopped trying to save so much money, maybe you’d save some money!
  • I’m in love with my bed, but my alarm clock wont let us be together.
  • Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
  • I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
  • I’m not single. I’m in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
  • I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
  • The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
  • It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband!
  • My favorite sitcom episode is the one where there’s a huge misunderstanding.
  • If you get invited to an AT&T executive’s wedding, don’t go. The reception will be terrible.
  • Constipated people don’t give a crap. (VIA our Tweeter:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  • I have a hard time grasping the fact that in other countries, peoples thoughts are in a different language.
Cute Picture to Post:
Cute Puppy Picture
Post that picture with a “How CUTE is this Puppy?” and watch all the LIKES you’ll get on your Facebook wall!
Mixing up Obama & Osama:
YouTube Preview Image Hilarious! Throw that on your profile and get tons of funny comments.
Have a wonderful weekend and please join us Monday for more hilarious content. If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!

Facebook Now Growing by Over 600,000 Users a Day – And New Engagement Stats

It was just at the beginning of December when Facebook crossed the 130 million monthly active user mark. Today, that number is up to 140 million.
While Facebook has been growing at around 300,000 to 400,000 active users per day for most of the fourth quarter (based on our estimations), its growth rate seems to have significantly increased in recent weeks to 600,000 or perhaps even 700,000 new users each day.
If Facebook continues at this rate, it could add up to 20 million new users in December and reach 200 million active users by March. Keep in mind however that about 70% of that growth is happening outside the United States.
140million2
Facebook also released new engagement stats today about the way users interact with different features on the site. Some highlights:
  • 13 million users update their statuses at least once each day
  • 2.5 million users become fans of Pages each day
  • 700 million photos are uploaded to the site each month
  • 4 million videos are uploaded each month
  • 15 million pieces of content (web links, news stories, blog posts, notes, photos, etc.) are shared each month
  • 2 million events created each month
  • 19 million active groups exist on the site
In other words, Facebook’s growth is speeding up and engagement is increasing.
We’ll of course continue tracking all the latest Facebook stats for you here on Inside Facebook. To dive deeper on how you can engage Facebook’s 140 million users through guerilla marketing tactics, Facebook advertising solutions, or Facebook Platform applications, check out Inside Facebook’s Facebook Marketing Bible.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

A beginner's guide to Facebook for non-profits

I've always been interested in social networking sites like Myspace, Twitter and LinkedIn. But lately, I've been spending quite some time on another social site which I've found to be quite worthy of my time and yours. If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm talking about Facebook. This powerful networking service is not just for individuals like me to keep in touch with friends. It's a very effective networking tool for nonprofits to create awareness and connect with their community. In this post, I'll take you through a beginner's guide to get your non-profit on Facebook and ways to effectively use this tool. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of features, but it may help get you started.
So what exactly is Facebook?
FaceBook is a social networking site that allows users to connect and share information. Michele Martin at the Bamboo Project Blog has a good description of Facebook:
" FaceBook is an Internet site that allows users to post online profiles (including photos, information about themselves, etc.) and then connect to other users who share the same interests, experiences, etc. Zuckerberg threw up FaceBook while he was a student at Harvard to provide an online avenue for students to find one another. It has since morphed into a social network for everyone."
Facebook is built around groups and is made up of many networks, each based around a company, region, high school or college. Many nonprofits already have accounts and are reaping the benefits for their organization and their cause. One reason why it's so popular is because it's just very easy to use. Adding friends, updating your profile, changing your status message - whatever you do takes just minutes.
How to get started?
1. Sign up and create a Facebook Account
To get started, go to Facebook.com, click "Register" and fill out a short online registration form. Once you're signed up, you'll need to have a profile to share information and photos about your organization with others. What to include in your organization's profile? Photos, links to your website and videos can all be added. And remember, when creating your profile you can include as little or as much information as you feel comfortable.

2. Find freinds and connect with your community
Now that you have a Facebook account, connecting to people in your community is easy. Start by using the search feature to find friends who are already using Facebook and request to be their friend. You can add just about anyone you can think of including your members, supporters, volunteers, staff and even your board members. Don't worry if you don't have a big list right away. Once you have two or more contacts, you'll be able to expand your social network by locating mutual friends and contacting them.

3. Send and receive messages
Facebook offers a message board feature called "The Wall" that displays member profile pages. You can use it to post all kinds of messages to your network. But be beware: comments can be viewed by all your contacts in your list of Facebook friends.
  
4. Create a group for your organization or event
Just like every other social networking site, you can create and join groups on Facebook. And there's a growing number of groups dedicated to social change. Why create a group? Creating groups allows you to share information about pretty much anything. You can create groups for your organization or event to make announcements, join discussion groups or even to share pictures. There are two kinds of groups on Facebook - open and closed groups. So be sure to create open groups so that people can find it and your members can invite others to join.

5. Upload and share pictures
One of Facebook’s most popular features has been the ability to upload and share pictures. Facebook also offers an unlimited quota with their only restriction being a 60-photos-per-album limit. The process is very simple. Start by creating an album which you can then assign limitations to (e.g. visible to my members only) and upload photos within them. The album is then put into your profile, and other users can see and comment on them. You can also "tag" your photos with the names of people you mention and share the photos via a web link or by e-mail. What’s more is that you can order prints online!

6. Promote your events
Facebook is a great place to promote your organization's events. Simply create the event, add pictures and invite your contacts to join. In addition to groups, you can post details of events in your profile so people can RSVP for an event. You also have the option to leave the event open to people in your network or open for everyone.

7. Promote your blog or newsletter
Facebook also helps you to promote your blog or newsletter. This feature allows you to share information beyond what's in your profile in two ways. You can either post a note on your page or import your external blog. It is a nice way to communicate with your constituents and update them on your organization. You can also integrate an RSS feed in to your blog with notes. When you post it, the note is displayed in your profile and every one of your “friends” is notified and other members can add comments.

8. Keep in touch with your members
Facebook has a feature called "News Feed" that allows you to see all kinds of activity within your network. It's very similar to an RSS feed, in that when you log in to Facebook you immediately receive an update of all of the actions your contacts have taken. And if someone posted a new photo album or RSVPed to an event, you'll be notified right away.

9. Maintain some privacy
On Facebook, you are in control of what information is out there about your organization and who can see it. You can retain some privacy by blocking certain people from viewing your profile or by creating a limited profile to hide  information you might not want to share with your contacts.
These nine points are meant to be a starting point for you to get your nonprofit on Facebook and into the social networking world. There are also many examples of nonprofit groups on Facebook. For instance, UNICEF at Indiana University has a campus group to announce news and meetings and there's also a group for Advocates for Grassroots Development in Uganda (AGRADU), a UNC student initiative aiming to support indigenous grassroots efforts at community building and economic development in Uganda. For more examples of nonprofit related content on Facebook and some helpful tips, read Emily Weinberg's post. 

10 Easy Steps for Twitter Beginners

1. Set up your profile

The first thing you need to do is to set up that profile. See that bar on top of your twitter page? Click Settings and start filling up your profile. The notable areas in here are URL, bio, picture and design. Put up a link to your site or blog in here along with a brief description. Upload a picture to differentiate yourself from the others and then tweak your Twitter design. Like any other social networking site, it is important to completely express what you are or what you stand for in your profile.

2. Follow people with similar interests

Now that you have a profile, start following people. You can find these people in Twitter directories. I use Twellow and JustTweetIt. These sites can introduce you to Twitter users that have the same interest as yours. Follow these people and observe their tweets. You may also try following who these people follow but read up their descriptions and visit their blogs to make sure you’re still on the right niche. Being on the right niche will make it easy for you to build a community with a similar interest.

3. Get into the conversation

So now that you are following people, you will now see some tweets on your board. Read up on what the people your following are up to and reply if it interests you. For example, a person narrates how he is going to conduct a meeting. You may then reply with ideas. When someone asks a question, don’t hesitate to answer if you know it. Don’t be afraid to interact.

4. Don’t spam

Spam is the cause of many unfollows on Twitter. There is a character limit for a reason. Do not send repeated messages to people. Do not constantly direct message (DM) them with links.

5. Update daily

Alright so you’re blending in the community. Now update daily if possible. I know some Twitter users who unfollow because of inactivity. Reply to people and update people with what’s going on with your life. Soon you’ll be recognized and you’ll get some follows.

6. Find the latest buzz and contribute

Now it’s your time to contribute. Find a topic that will interest your niche and tweet it. Since you have established relationships with your followers (through replies), you will get more attention. It’s a nice strategy to always append “please retweet” at the end of your tweet. There will be some people who will be so interested that they will retweet. There are others who will reply to you about the link you tweeted. But you are not a “nobody” anymore. You are not just talking to yourself. People are now responding to your tweets.

7. Help other people out

The famous saying “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you” holds here. Before you can receive retweets, you must help others first by retweeting their messages. Help the people in your niche. One day you’ll be surprised on how eager they are to help you back.

8. Create relationships

Now it’s time to create constant connections. Soon you will find that some users are more active than others. You will get to talk with the same group of people at the same time every night. But don’t get bored. Interact with these people and create relationships. Ask how they are doing and try to touch on their interests.

9. Integrate Twitter with other social networks

Have a blog? Then post to Twitter when you have a post that will interest your niche. Have a Facebook profile? Then ask people to add you. Twitter is really a vital part of web 2.0. It can serve as the core. It can let you build relationships that can branch out to other social networks.

10. Establish relationships even outside Twitter

Have a lot of friends on Twitter? Then take it to another level. Ask for their messenger and talk to these people on a more intimate level. Call them through Skype or even arrange a meet-up. Twitter can create real relationships.
Congratulations! You are now an official member of the Twitter community. You talk, act, think and breathe like us. Perhaps you find yourself spending every five minutes updating Twitter on what you are doing. But I guess I’ll save Twitter addiction for next time.

How to Use Twitter for Business

People go to Twitter to share what they know and learn in return. Twitter users are hungry for new ideas, opportunities, information, services, and products. If your business is not part of this exchange, you're leaving two huge opportunities untouched—growing your business and improving it.
Business of all sizes use Twitter for a variety of reasons, from marketing to customer service, but for the small- to medium-sized business that's still finding its footing on the microblogging site, we offer these five tips and best practices.
1. Define Your Purpose and Goals
1. Define Your Purpose and Goals

Why is your business on Twitter? If the primary (or only) reason is to drive traffic to your website, you need to rethink your strategy. The Twitter community values interaction with real people. If the only thing you're adding to the conversation is a push to visit your website, you aren't going to have a strong and valuable reputation on Twitter. Some people will still follow you and click your links, but you'll be leaving several unique opportunities on the table, untouched.
Setting Twitter aside for the moment, what does your business or organization need to do better? Some misguided business leaders think they need to be Twitter because "that's where our customers are," and don't see that Twitter is a tool that can help a business achieve its real goals. Is the business growing rapidly, and you need to find new employees or contractors? Is one of your business's pain points that it doesn't listen to its customers or clients? Do you need to improve internal communication between employees? Twitter can help you address those issues and many more—read on to learn how.
2. Assign the Right Tweeters
You've just hired a young, bright intern who's active on plenty of online social networks, which is why her first assignment will be to set up a Twitter account for your business. Bad idea! If you want to really leverage Twitter for your business, you need dedicated employees involved. The intern can certainly help you monitor the account and maybe teach your staff basic Twitter etiquette, but she should not be the sole person behind it.
Knowledgeable. Depending on what goals you've set, you need someone who knows the issues related to those goals inside and out. Let's say your business is growing and you need to hire six Java programmers in the next three months. The person you want tweeting in that case would be someone who codes in Java, not the human-resources manager. If your goal is to better address customer comments—and these will include complaints, questions, and praise—you need someone on Twitter who handles customer service, which in a very small business might be the CEO.
A good listener. The person or people you assign to manage the Twitter account should be as good at listening as they are at speaking and writing. It's very important on Twitter to respond to people who post messages at you (using the @ symbol next to your Twitter account name, and through direct messages that are more like email). I've interacted with several professional businesses on Twitter who have never once answered my messages. I no longer follow them. You don't need to say much to acknowledge another person's existence on Twitter. A simple "@TwitterName It's a known issue. We're working on it" or "@TwitterName Thanks!" is all that's needed.
Trustworthy. Most important of all, put people you trust behind Twitter. It's a powerful platform that spreads information to millions of people very quickly, and one misguided employee can cause disastrous effects. You need to trust the people who represent your company on Twitter completely. Larger businesses may want to have their employees agree to a few basic guidelines for social media, although I personally feel that a contract-style social media policy is usually unnecessary. One of the problem of contracts is that they don't convey trust. The employees representing your business on Twitter need to feel trusted in order to cultivate their voices and write like a human being. Twitter is not an advertisement or slogan—it's a real person talking with a community of other people. Find people you trust completely, and give them reasonable autonomy.